Embrace the Suck

All of life for me has boiled down to this – can you accept what is happening now?  Can you fully be in THIS present reality?  Of course, this is always easier when I am in full joy, bliss, and excitement.  Those yeses are easy and are there in the flow and pure gratitude that flow from every cell of my being.  The true challenge is can I do this when reality is less than what I desire? When reality feels like it has bitch slapped me and I am wondering what are the opportunities that are here in front of me?

“Embrace the Suck” is an expression a friend of mine told me that her Marine nephew told her about.  He said part of their training is being in a room where toxic gases are being put in through the ventilation system. If one of the marines leaves then they all have to start over.  She asked him how they do it and he said, “You know it will be hard so you embrace the suck.”

This to me embodies accepting those hard moments and knowing just like the joyous moments, they are temporary.  I used the expression, “embrace the suck,” quite regularly on the adventurecation.  The piece I wrote describes my shift at the helm during the fifteen foot waves and twenty plus winds.

A week or two prior to this I had just learned how to steer the boat. Needless to say, being a newbie at the helm brought up its own fears, both from my lack of confidence in my abilities and knowing eight other loved ones were on board. So here is that piece which I dedicate to the Marines for the title and I also dedicate it to all those who were aboard, the sailboat, The Kidd, with me:

Embrace the Suck

“Salt water slaps knocking me down,

The only thing holding me up is the only thing keeping the course – the wheel,

Lives depending on me,

My own tears mixed in with the waves slamming into me.

The wind howls,

Shivering with fear and coldness,

Teeth chattering,

Knowing I have to keep the course.

Too far to the starboard side and a hard crash with the land,

Too far to port side and we may get lost at sea,

My shoulders burn with each turn of the wheel,

I want this shift to end.

I want to just let go of the wheel and let go of of all my responsibilities.

Faith is the only thing holding me up,

I call on the Master Sailors,

I sense a figure to my right and see a strong shadow of a male spirit,

I know source has heard and sent a helper.

I am grateful and terrified,

It feels as if this moment has been suspended and will become its own unending lifetime,

The boat is tossed from side to side,

There are moments when we are actually airborne,

It isn’t until we slam back into the ocean that this even seems real.

A prayer boat we have become,

Angels on every side,

Scrapes, bruises, and cuts,

It’s a wonder that no one died or simply fell overboard.

There was a moment I just wanted it to end and it felt as if jumping over would be more simple,

This was a fleeting thought,

Responsibility and faith kept me there.

Hard to believe in twenty-four hours we were even in the same ocean.

The fifteen foot waves that slammed straight into us and created chaos,

Now rolled behind us and pushed us gently forward to our final destination – my homeland of Jamaica.”