I came upon the glory of an unfinished tale;
It spoke so loud
I whipped around to see who was there,
It laid open to the page,
Beckoning me to finish it,
To add the decor,
The last little bits,
To savor it once more.
I breathed in deep;
Sat down and recorded the moments
left unbroken,
The times I remembered who
I was before my heart broke wide open,
The me beneath it all.
My wings filled the room,
spread their glory and
sang sweet rememberings
as I soared right out the door
to be that girl, that woman
who was born to be
just that.
I used to think I loved you when I
worried incessantly
or when I tried to shield
you from any harm
or when I thought and told you
that was impossible.
I wanted to keep you small because I felt small.
Now I know you are protected
by a force greater than
my worries and fears;
You are guided in the unknown
and there is a net called grace
to catch you when you
run off the cliff and extend
your wings so you can
explore and live beyond your comfort zone.
You are enfolded with Divine love and enveloped
with Divine light;
You are an infinite possibility in
a universe of infinite possibilities;
You are meant to live big and live bold and
stretch past what ancestors have known or
been told;
Stretch past the human limits
into Divine potential.
Angels are everywhere whispering,
"Jump...I got you."
Inspired by words I read;
Words I wrote and don't seem to remember,
These words were written from
the infinite part that knows
she is always connected;
The part that never believed
the lies of smallness
and abandonment;
The part that can see the
world from the bird's eye view,
Remembering how expansive
and wonderful it already is.
Like being in nature and
looking at the sky;
Watching the horizon of an ocean that never ends;
or tilting back to see the mountaintop;
Humbled by it all;
Knowing all of that is within me;
Within all of us;
Begging to climb out and
show the world
the true power of humanity.
You're not just your stories -
your trials, your tribulations.
You're not just the last word
uttered in anger and disbelief.
You're not just the dust from
your last fall.
You're the whisper in the trees'
leaves blown by the
gentle breeze.
You're the shoreline washed
over by the sea foam wave.
You're the mountain and the
mountaintop.
The buzzing of the bees' wings
gathering pollen from the
nectar of the garden's blessings.
You are the sun rays
breaking through the clouds
as the angels sing.
The lotus flower floating slowly
through the muddy pond
as if you aren't even moving.
You are everything the world
told you you weren't;
You are capable of all the power and the
gentleness of nature wielding
a force of beauty.
You left.
I begged you to stay.
You left.
My heart shattered, I struggled,
I wailed on the kitchen floor.
In the midst of it all
I stopped begging and let go instead.
On the other side of this darkness
that showed up as grief, abandonment,
betrayal, anger and hatred,
I found the truth that I had heard
at the park that day I questioned
our dysfunctional relationship -
Angels spoke to me and said,
"She is not the one."
I wanted you to be the one so
I ignored this loud message
and begged instead.
It wasn't you though afterall that I was seeking;
It wasn't another soulmate either.
It was me I was looking for -
The me under the intense negative emotions of Earth
that were past, present and future lives combined.
The intensity of being an empath and
seeing the sadness behind the smile;
hearing the struggle under the I'm fine;
feeling the underneath of the optics.
I felt all of it as my heart broke wide open -
Wide open to more love and all that is love.
The one I was seeking was me -
The part of me that needs nothing and has everything.
The diamonds in the grass sparkled;
The light had hit the fresh rain at an angle that
only Mother Nature could create.
I pictured magical fairies on
every spot smiling with big dimples
and pearly white teeth,
Or maybe it was the Earth flipped
upside down and what I was really seeing
were stars;
Maybe the stars fell in the grass
to remind me that we are made of stardust,
the infinite universe in each and every cell
Possibilities pulsating from
every heartbeat, every run
of blood through my veins, every breath,
every thought;
Possibilities pulsating
Telling me, whispering to me -
"I am here, I am here, I am here with you."
I choose to see the Divine in all of it;
In all of the little, in all of the big,
in each and every diamond sparkling in my grass,
Twinkling at me saying
"Yes, you, you, you, We are in love with you."
The love affair has always been
One that I was created from and just am
This spectacular light of infinite unconditional love.
Brilliance - the shiny stuff stars are made of.
Brilliance - an unachievable intelligence for the select few.
Brilliance - can't quite get to you -
until I did...
When I did, I realized she had been here
all along waiting patiently as the light had.
Waiting for me to claim her,
Waiting for me to discover her,
Waiting for me to uncover her,
Claiming not only my own brilliance, but
claiming all the goodness -
All that was gifted to me for no particular reason -
Just because I am me.
I am love,
I am light,
I am peace.
I am inspiration rolled in creativity,
Married to amazement, wonder, and glory;
Enfolded with grace spilling from my essence;
Brilliance, I am thee.
I got lost for a million years,
Sucked into a darkness that
enveloped my skin and the very
air I breathed.
It held me underwater and pretended
to be my friend,
Soothing me with more sickness,
Layering on more fear until I
thought we had become one.
We moved as this sick unit until
a piece broke off and I saw
there was another way,
I held my breath as I stared into
this empty space of light.
I listened as the angels told me
it was time to go.
It was my first knowing,
My first moment when my body
resonated with this truth and
I knew there was no turning back.
I was lost in a black abyss that only light could find.
Only light could wait patiently
for me to turn around,
Once I did they all rushed in
and guided me out of a self-made hell.
A hell I thought I was born in
or one that had been created as a
punishment for not doing or
being enough.
More lies that I had created
that kept me stagnant,
Kept me biting off a less than
average life in a world of mediocrity.
My heart told me there was
something more to be found.
An inner force called love
pulled me up and pushed
me out the door,
To find something better;
to know something better
And so I did.
I found the light within and without.
As I wandered down the path
Back to the car
To drive back home
I decided the love from the moon;
The love from the stars;
The love from the trees;
The love from the grass;
The love from my ancestors;
The love from my family;
The love from my extended family;
The love from my friends -
All of this is big.
And what if my cup already runneth over?
What if when she comes it's more about
the partnership than the love?
Because after all the love is already here.
Pouring out from everything, everyone, and every situation
It's already here.
From all the kids I taught;
All the teachers I inspired;
And the ones who inspired me;
All of nature, family, friends, and Divine Love herself.
How can I yearn for something that already exists?
That is already here.
In full fashion,
Shining its glory
Waiting for me to receive it
What if all along I already had everything I was seeking?
It was all here dormant because I looked past it,
beyond it, or through it
and not at it?
What if the story I had been telling myself was
a sucky, sad one of lies?
What if the truth is I am loved, loving,
lovable, and pure love?
Just because that is my true core
and the means of my existence.
The funny twist of the path
paralleled the twist of my story.
I breathed in deep,
Let go and said, "It's all enough already
and now
I can sleep a beautiful sleep
knowing I finished -
Knowing I am whole and complete already."
When she fell she learned her strength
In getting up and facing it all,
When she was abandoned she learned
She was never really alone,
When she was insulted she learned
She already held validation,
When she reached out and the hand withdrew
She learned to call on a source greater than herself,
When she loved, she loved big,
With all her heart, with all her being.
For she learned she had an endless supply,
Her innermost core was love.
She smiled, she beamed, and she knew
She would suffer no more.
She found it all inside herself.
Not in a friendship,
Not in a romance,
Not in things,
Everything she ever desired.
A treasure chest that had been forgotten,
Was now fully open, accessible and an
Abundant source of all goodness.
This blessed her.
This blessed all around her,
This circulated goodness beyond her imagination,
The Earth beamed, adjusted her tune,
and rotated a little bit easier.
